Weeds Part One (That's weeds with an S, people....)

I'm a rubbish gardener. Pretty gardens are a nice fantasy but in reality, its not going to happen. Not on my patch of land. There are folks, plenty of very nice folks, who love to talk gardening. They Instagram their pretty gardens and their bounteous produce. You know the ones, with the wicker baskets of tomatoes and lettuce and garlic rope things all artfully arranged to make you want to sell up and go and buy ten acres in the country.
I, however, am lucky to get a feijoa off the tree and if it rains in summer, I am rewarded with tiny tomatoes on the plant that said on the plastic label thing would give me huge beefsteaks. Hashtag failure.
But what I am good at is weeds. I have lots of them. And I don't even have to water them. I don't even to have sow them.
Like these suckers.
weeds-gardens-new zealand

What is this stuff?? I can't even.... Its hideous. It breeds like nothing you've ever seen.  This is in the middle of my nice patch of lawn. It's not like the lawn is even that great but this just kills what pathetic amount of greatness it had. I even paraquated this stuff. It damned well grew back. This shit is serious. 

And what about this. Agapanthus,


Some bright spark has said this is a weed. I always thought a weed was a plant in the wrong place. Well, I actually purchased these with my hard earned cash and put them in the right place so I object. Also I've noticed you don't just get one weed. You get tons of them and these babies have not, I repeat, NOT reproduced in the way I am sure the good Lord intended when he invented weeds.   In fact, I have  managed to kill a few of them off without  weedkiller  Seriously, no weed is killed by accident, it's like a law of nature or something so I don't get why they label agapanthus a weed. And they are so pretty when they're all in a row. Especially the purple (or is it blue?) and the one in the picture is meant to be blue. But its not. Its green. Maybe its a baby flower or maybe its dying? I am mystified.
Next week, we will discuss the vileness that is that gross ginger plant weed thing.